How the 4K has changed my life

I haven't felt much like writing lately, but as I was driving home from school today, this post started writing itself in the back of my mind (that's usually how my blog posts get written, actually). It was the kind of thing where one moment I was at exit 30 and the next I was at exit 80 with a full blog post waiting to be recorded.

It's not hard to see how putting yourself on a bike and surrounding yourself with strangers for ten weeks could be a life-changing experience -- but the ways in which it has affected me keep showing themselves at different times. There were things I knew had changed even before leaving the ride (I'll never eat Subway again, I am much less high-maintenance about my makeup and hair products, and my previous germophobia is pretty much completely gone... eating food off the ground will do that to you). Then there were things that I've gradually realized over the past 10 weeks.

So here are a few ways the 4K has changed my life.

1) Redefined what is possible.
I was talking with a 2012 4K alum about this and we both agreed that "post-4K impossible" is different than "pre-4K impossible." I mean, at one point not so long ago I would've told you I would never be capable of riding a bike across the country. I would've laughed at you if you told me I would. But the physical, mental and emotional challenges that every rider overcomes on the 4K give you a completely different perspective on what you can do. It applies to nearly anything you might doubt your ability to do, but particularly, things outside of your comfort zone. 

Scaling a 12,000 ft mountain on two wheels? Talk about outside my comfort zone..

For example, a month ago I backed out of the Half Full Triathlon, because with everything going on I hadn't had any time to train, and I'd never done a triathlon before. But 5 days before the event, I reconsidered my decision and thought, well, I did bike across the country...how hard could an olympic distance triathlon be in comparison?? And I decided to just go for it. The mental strategies for perseverance that I acquired and sharpened during the 4K served me well in the triathlon. And if it weren't for the 4K I would've never randomly decided to do a triathlon!

Actually RACING on my bike for the first time! (we definitely didn't race across the country..)

Me with my brother and dad after finishing the triathlon

The triathlon finishers from Team Portland

2) The need to do something that matters.
At times over the past 10 weeks I have found myself sitting in class or doing some other activity and suddenly feeling frustrated, thinking, "This doesn't MATTER. What I am doing right now isn't going to have an impact on anyone but myself." And that bothers me. It makes me want to run straight out of class. I've been similarly disgusted with talk of any post-graduation plans, which are unfortunately daily discussions for a college senior. I don't want to hear about jobs-- about sitting at a desk in a cold, polished room that smells like stale coffee and staring at a screen for most of the day, or about how my peers are competing with each other with all that they have for these coveted positions. 

I don't want to see people dressed up in stiff businesswear with their perfume and expensive watches, going into interviews and trying to impress each other with their credentials. I go back to this summer and think about what my team was able to do without any of those fancy facades. How it felt when we went to the hospital and delivered our scholarships to the young, bright cancer patients with hopeful futures. Or when our hosts would be brought to tears thinking about their loved ones affected by cancer, and what it meant that we were riding for them. Or when a car would pull over, be rendered speechless when we told them what we were doing, then hand us a $20 and drive away. And just the sense of accomplishment we felt pretty much every day, having traveled 80+ miles by the power of our own two legs, and made a small difference while doing so. 

Giving out our first scholarship in Cincinnati

Post-4K, I am hooked on that feeling, and I think that whatever my next steps are after graduation, I'll always need to feel as if what I'm doing matters. Granted, you can't always be saving the world, and things may be making a difference but in a small and indirect way, and I'll have to keep reminding myself of that. But the 4K has set the bar high.

3) Stop and make animal noises.
You may have heard this phrase more commonly expressed as "stop and smell the roses".... but this version means the same thing and is way more relevant to the 4K. Yes it's is an extremely cliche phrase to say, but it was so evident during the 4K that I just have to include it.

Or, simply "stop and pretend to BE farm animals" -- yes we are in college

We Americans and most of the developed world have something seriously wrong with our priorities. How messed up is it that we actually take pride in how busy we are? That we actually brag to each other about how LITTLE we've gotten to enjoy ourselves lately?Typically we do this because we intend to reach an overinflated goal at the end: "If I just work like this for X years I'll be able to enjoy myself later"; "As soon as Y happens I can do Z." Trust me, I'm a victim of this mindset as well, but I'm more aware of it now, and will always make a conscious effort to stay out of this trap and instead live in the moment.

It was drilled into us on Day 1 that we should take our time on the road and enjoy ourselves, because we were all going to get to Portland on the same day and it wasn't likely we'd ever be biking through *insert geographical area here* again. And of course, that turned out to be completely true. No one ever got an award for being the first person to get to our destination for the day. And my best memories are from the days my group took every opportunity to stop and be goofy.

Other members of my team may tell you their versions of the saying. "Stop and serenade everyone with the recorder you found on the side of the road," "Stop at a 7/11 and shotgun a Redbull to be completely wired for the rest of the day," or "Stop at a yard sale and purchase a NASA monkey and keep him in your Camelbak for the rest of the trip," to name a few. 

Porter with his beloved recorder

"Stop and ford a river"

"Stop and meditate on a cool rock the top of a mountain"

4) Unable to appreciate a "relaxing" time.

“A man on foot, on horseback or on a bicycle will see more, feel more, enjoy more in one mile than the motorized tourists can in a hundred miles.” -Edward Abbey

If you know me, you know I love planning adventures. That's why I jumped at the opportunity to be a leg leader on the 4K, and plan where we'd stay each night as well as many of our daily routes. Now, having returned from the 4K, I find myself trying to plan new things for my friends and family and I to do, but I've noticed a key difference: a backpacking/camping trip or another cycling trip now sounds WAY more appealing to me than a week at the beach. (And knowing how much I love the beach, it's pretty crazy for me to say that.) I just appreciate the outdoors a lot more, and it wouldn't feel right to be on vacation without doing several hours of activity per day! I'd just be too restless. That's not to say you won't find me at the beach in the future, because you definitely will, but you may also find me on a cycling trip though the Netherlands or backpacking the Appalachians....

This looks like a vacation to me!!

5) 24 new friends.

All of the 4K alums told us this at the beginning and it turned out to be completely true: you start out as strangers and end up as family. I remember reading the online profiles of my soon-to-be teammates after I signed up and thinking, "Who are these people?! What are they like in real life? I'm really going to spend 70 days with them??" For some of my teammates, the only thing I had in common with them was this absurd idea we had to bike across the country. 

Waving goodbye as we leave the Inner Harbor, saying, "WHAT AM I DOING?!"

It's crazy to look back now and see how close we became. By the end, we could all identify each others' bikes in a heartbeat, could name almost everyone's food preferences, and if a random pair of shorts was unclaimed from the washing machine it wouldn't be long before someone would say, "oh that's Paul's" (or more commonly, "that's Maroun's"). We looked out for one another, we knew each other's strengths and weaknesses, and we took care of each other, just as families do. Even when there were conflicts (and there were!!) and we were mad at each other, we still made sacrifices for our 4K Family.

My teammates were there when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and I couldn't have been with a more supportive group of people. They dedicated days of riding to her and the message that everyone's hearts were with me came through loud and clear. 

A few of the many dedications to my mom

When she passed away, even though the 4K had been over for more than a month, I got a lot of heartfelt messages from them, some of whom have lost a parent themselves. If it weren't for them I would not have any friends that have lost a parent. Over half my team came to her services, traveling near and far to be there even though most had never met her. And several weeks later, 9 of us did the Half Full triathlon, and 5 others came to watch and cheer us on, and yet again over half the team was reunited to support each other.

4K Fan base at the triathlon

We're all busy people, and all of my teammates are going to be out changing the world, but I know that in 10 years I could call any one of them up and say "hey, I'm passing through your town, can I stop by?" and we'd still be willing to do anything for each other. Our GroupMe conversation still goes off multiple times a day when random things remind us of each other. Yes it's only been 2 months, but I can already tell that the 4K bond is unique and will last a lifetime. 

I'll steal another quote from Meredith...

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart."

6) Never feel the need to take a shower.
Ok, since the last one was serious and borderline sappy, I had to include this one to lighten the mood... but it's true! I never feel dirty enough to take a shower. I mean typically over the summer I'd have a delicious combination of sweat, rain, dirt, sunscreen, Sharpie, and chain grease coating me at any given time, so a shower at the end of the day was WELL warranted. Nowadays, it hardly feels like a 30-minute run has earned me a shower. (...don't worry, I still shower.)

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So that's what I've been thinking about up to now. I'm positive that there are also things that will take years to realize, and things I will never even notice.

To address another question: "Are you going to keep blogging??" The answer is probably no. I have lots I could write about regarding the recent and very traumatic loss of my mom, but I don't feel comfortable making that public. As far as day-to-day stuff, anything I do from now on will most likely pale in comparison to my daily activities this summer (now that's a depressing thought!). I used to really enjoy writing, and then engineering came along and squashed a lot of my creativity (well, isn't that also depressing). However, this blog has rekindled my interest in writing and I do hope I find something else to write for. My mom always loved my writing and said I was going to be a writer...

Thanks to all who have told me they've enjoyed my blog, and for the comments on my writing. They have been very encouraging, and as of 10/17 my blog has over 18,000 pageviews. For now, I'm planning on using it as something for my teammates and me to come back to, to reflect on our trip and to laugh at the little things we forgot about. Also for future riders to read in order to catch a glimpse of what they're in for... hopefully I don't scare them away. If you aren't friends with me on Facebook and don't want to miss future blog updates, you can "subscribe," which means you get an email anytime a new post comes up, by looking in the right-hand sidebar of the page for the "Followers" section, and clicking the link to become a follower.

P.S. It's not too late to sign up for the 4K... www.4kforcancer.org!